tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45564975834850189742024-02-18T19:45:01.734-06:00Puns and PosiesA freelance columnist looks at the lighter side of nature.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.comBlogger93125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-74047074925725239812011-10-03T10:51:00.003-05:002011-10-03T11:02:23.764-05:00The standoff.And now we're into October. The leaves are beginning to turn, and temperatures are starting to drop indoors and out.<br /><br />Speaking of drop, if I catch the little tree rat that keeps digging up my geranium, I'm gonna drop-kick him into the bushes across the street. I give you corn, you creep! Stay out of my plants!<br /><br />Anyhow, the falling temps. Since we live in a house of hardwood floors, it's time to break out the socks and slippers. And sweaters and blankets. It's kind of a competition around our neighborhood. "Did you turn on the heater yet?"<br /><br />It's funny how that one little phrase can be such a source of pride or humiliation. Admitting to turning up the heat before January is apparently like confessing that you like ketchup on your kittens or something. A shameful thing. On the other hand, you score big if you can point to the thermostat with a shivering blue finger and announce, "Yep, still off!"<br /><br />In my opinion, if you can't hear the radio over the chattering of your teeth, it's time to crank up the thermostat. Some like it hot. Do you?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-28088728975013229762011-09-12T14:32:00.001-05:002011-09-12T14:34:43.703-05:00About spiders...I'd be a poor sort of gardener if I didn't appreciate the need for spiders. After all, they eat bugs and keep the backyard ecosystem in balance. That being said, I think spiders have their place, and I definitely believe that they should remain there.<br /><br />I don't freak out just because a spider shows up in a odd corner of the house. There was the time I found a brown recluse in my clothes, but that was justifiable homicide. Most of the time, I figure that a spider minding his own business in the rafters will do me the favor of keeping my yarn stash safe from moths. Live and let live, right?<br /><br />Spiders in the yard are always to be encouraged. Go for it, little dudes! Eat the mosquitoes and flies!<br /><br />The only problem with arachnid leniency is that spiders are hard to train. Many of them insist on building their webs any old where, often with disastrous results. This weekend was a prime example.<br /><br />The space between two trees looked like a fine spot to spin a web. Unfortunately, some fool put a sidewalk there first. Heading up that sidewalk in the darkness was, you guessed it, me. I walked face-first into a net that would have done the Starkist fleet proud.<br /><br />It was occupied.<br /><br />I can look back on the incident now and be glad that it was too dark for anybody to see my "DEAR GOD, GET IT OFF ME!!" dance. At the time, I was too busy dealing with eight legs running laps around my neck to show gratitude. I stopped short of beating myself senseless and stomped into the house.<br /><br />I swear I heard crickets giggling...The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-70455286541194564942011-08-08T11:01:00.003-05:002011-08-08T11:11:45.825-05:00Suffering Succotash. And Carrots, And Potatoes, And...On the plus side, there's the fact that the AC didn't break until the heat wave did. Humidity or no (and we have plenty), one hundred twelve degrees is just freakin' HOT. So, when I came home from work to find a dead air conditioner, I was fully prepared to weep and sweat.
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<br />Trying to sleep while the in-house temps are above ninety is... doubleplusungood.
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<br />Today, the repair dude arrived. With the rain.
<br />
<br />This is my dilemma. Shall I be disgruntled at the prospect of waiting another day to pay a massive bill, since no one in their right mind would do electrical repair under a huge maple tree in a thunderstorm? Or should I take my coffee onto the porch and enjoy the cool breeze and less-crispy lawn?
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<br />Mother Nature doesn't always play nice, but at least she seems to be cutting me some slack today.
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<br />How was your weekend?
<br />The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-39175251351282011692011-07-11T21:41:00.001-05:002011-07-11T21:44:38.193-05:00In which I get new ears.My sweaty spouse clumped his way up the porch steps and peeked around the door. "Well, everything's pretty much dead, but we got some corn. Oh, and here's some tomatoes!" He handed me one large yellow and one medium red tomato. I eyed the thumbprint-sized gouge in the yellow tomato.<br /><br />"I see something's been enjoying this one already."<br /><br />"Well, yeah. But you can cut that part off, right?"<br /><br />Larry is convinced that if we'd intended to raise weeds, we would instead have thriving vegetables. As it stands now, the lack of water has ensured a lack of bountiful harvest. But hey, several dollars' worth of organic veggies is a great return on a few cents' worth of seeds. We're not complaining.<br /><br />We took our day's harvest home. My contribution to the produce effort was about to begin. I filled the big pot with water and set it to boil before turning to the ears waiting in the sink. After wrestling with and swearing at the trash can (When, oh WHEN will they make a 14-gallon bag to fit in my 13-gallon trash can? Just an extra inch of fold over would be nice.), I started shucking the corn.<br /><br />I was pretty gleeful at this point, stopping just short of yelling, "Wow! It looks like real corn!" I nearly did a happy dance. Whilst peeling the seventh ear, I looked under my thumb and DID do a dance. I also came close to dislocating my elbow as I hastily returned said ear to the sink.<br /><br />"Hey, this one's occupied! I'm gonna give it to the squirrels."<br /><br />The water finally achieved boil and the corn was blanched. Into a zipper bag, suck out the air, toss it in the freezer. Our first corn. Bask with me in this moment of quiet triumph, sharing a bond with our global ancestors who taught us the secrets of storing food for an uncertain future.<br /><br />That's nice. Now pass the butter.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-55077701905822608802011-06-22T16:23:00.002-05:002011-06-22T16:39:40.011-05:00Weird Wednesday: towering termites!According to <a href="http://www.factsaboutanimals.net/strange-animal-facts.htm">FactsAboutAnimals</a>, the world's termite population outnumbers that of humans by a ratio of ten to one.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-30833796201426500782011-06-13T12:06:00.005-05:002011-06-13T13:28:17.598-05:00Green Monday: grow the love!Hey, looky what I got from <a href="http://www.marianallen.com/">Marian Allen</a>!<br /><br /><br /><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 160px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 160px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5617751996596158866" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilMTUdVFON5Tv_fjVn7znygp-BrwknFCDmqwqCibRrrFP4jrrM8D2Y4Wiyx_DYUoV8lxufabfDRX1LLAz1teMug0SiDXbPO4OQ6wBXJeAaVlejyo1BQ6tEYTwnA0iDr8vvI0lg2JUWCuE/s400/stylish-blogger-award.jpg" /><br />After a brief pause to bask in my newfound glory...</p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><p>...ah, that was nice. Anyhow, now I must meet certain obligations that come with this award. First, the thanks. Marian, if I had the gas money, I would drive to your house and make a chocolate flan cake just for you. It has a caramel glaze and uses seven free-range eggs.</p><br /><p>Now I'm supposed to tell seven random facts about myself. This should be easy. Most of my life has been fairly random. </p><br /><p>1. I was once named "Joke Teller of the Week" at the Walnut Valley Festival in Winfield, Kansas.</p><br /><p>2. I can write with both hands at once. Now if I only had twice as many paychecks to sign...</p><br /><p>3. My absolute favorite pasta dish is Shrimp Alfredo with broccoli. </p><br /><p>4. I firmly believe that life is too short to drink bad coffee.</p><br /><p>5. The only shopping that I really enjoy is in yarn or book stores.</p><br /><p>6. I am not the shortest person in my family.</p><br /><p>7. My closet is full of theater costumes. And yarn.</p><br /><p>Now then, it's time to pass it on. The number of recipients seems to be chosen at random, so I'll pick four because there's a dreidel on the couch and it has four sides. First up, <a href="http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/">Alex J. Cavanaugh</a>. Alex is an author and dedicated blogger who never fails to return visits. He also has some very stylish blue binary code on his page.</p><br /><p>Next up, we have <a href="http://nrwilliams.blogspot.com/">N. R. Williams</a>. Hey, anybody who writes a book featuring a gal with a magic flute is definitely deserving of a style award. And the book itself is much cooler than my one-line synopsis. Go and peek; she has excerpts available.</p><br /><p>Can't pass out style awards without giving one to <a href="http://stephentremp.blogspot.com/">Stephen Tremp</a>. Speaking as someone with a wardrobe consisting of jeans and t-shirts, I am properly impresse d by a guy who can wear a suit and smile. And he can write!</p><br /><p>Cool and groovy person number four shall be... <a href="http://peggyfrezon.blogspot.com/">Peggy Frezon</a>! Writing about and on behalf of pets, Peggy has a knack for bringing out the warmth and humor in a given situation. Plus, she's got a really cute dog.</p><br /><p>There you have it! Flippancy aside, these four folks (and Marian, too) have the talent for making you feel something when you read their words. They also know a whole raft of <em>other </em>really interesting people, so don't be shy about visiting their blogs and perusing their reading lists. As for me, I'd better go peruse the garden. We got about ten drops of rain, which means the weeds are sure to be on the move.</p>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-15293535892572148242011-06-08T09:08:00.003-05:002011-06-08T09:19:54.055-05:00Weird Wednesday: snails!According to <a href="http://www.speedofanimals.com/animals/garden_snail">Speed of Animals</a>, a typical garden snail (<em>Helix aspersa</em>) travels at the blistering pace of .1 kilometer per hour, or .062 mph.<br /><br />I guess nobody told him about the cake in the kitchen.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-53058556940011242622011-05-30T17:32:00.001-05:002011-05-30T17:35:46.207-05:00Green Monday: grow it yourself?So we planted a garden. I use "we" only in the loosest sense; Larry did pretty much everything. This is not due to my usual laziness, however. It's because my husband, in spite of being a dyed-in-the-wool city boy, is also a garden control freak. Once our friends tilled up a chunk of ground for our use, Larry took over. He picked the seeds, he decided where the rows would be, he did the planting.<br /> <br />I got to pay for the seeds.<br /> <br />Asking to assist with simple tasks was pointless. If I even suggested something that I wanted to do, he jumped in and did it straightaway. I'm not complaining, really. I just sort of expected that this would be our little bit of outdoor togetherness. Fortune has smiled elsewhere, however.<br /> <br />The tomatoes look like they're in shock, the corn was carried off by creatures before it had a chance to sprout, and the potatoes are apparently on strike. Droughts are hard on everybody, what can I say? Having polar-opposite schedules doesn't help much when it comes to maintenance duties, either.<br /> <br />There was one area in which I had free rein and no small amount of success: the radishes. In our little clan of three, I am the only one who enjoys radishes. I therefore insisted on having a row of them planted in our garden. Said row was apparently once a dumping ground for nuclear waste.<br /> <br />The radishes are mutants.<br /> <br />I chose French Breakfast radishes, because they're small and flavorful without a lot of fire. These puppies are flavorful, all right, but small went out the window after last weeks' stormfest. Four inches of rain has led to a crop of HUGE radishes. They average roughly the length of my hand in size and look like something that should be on the end of a string in the Thanksgiving Day parade.<br /><br />I'm almost afraid to go back into the garden after the mud dries up. The radishes might be working out a sequel to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes".The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-87787252144295179972011-05-16T18:10:00.002-05:002011-05-16T18:43:29.139-05:00Green Monday: magic carpet ride!Okay, how cool is this? I'm sitting in the break room at work this morning, drinking coffee and squinting at the clock. It says 5:15, which seems like a terrible time to be awake, but at least the news on T.V is positive and interesting for a change.<div><br /></div><div>Between the weather report (sunny and pleasant) and a peek at launch preparations for Shuttle Endeavor, I heard the phrase, "Go green!"</div><div><br /></div><div>It got my attention.</div><div><br /></div><div>There's apparently a new business in town that recycles old carpet! Even the news anchor sounded enthusiastic. I was too bleary-eared to get exact quotes, but here's some info I found online.</div><div><br /></div><div>According to <a href="http://www.carpetrecovery.org/index.php">Carpet America Recovery Effort</a>, around five billion pounds of old carpet went to landfills in 2003. CARE was established to help reduce those numbers and put those old carpets to good use.</div><div><br /></div><div>Items including composite lumber, car parts, shingles and even railroad ties can be and are being made with recycled carpet. CARE has set a target goal of 40% diversion by 2012. In plain terms, this means they want to recycle around 2.8 billion pounds of carpet per year. </div><div><br /></div><div>There is a bit of a catch to this: carpet recycling is not free. You can expect to pay a few cents per pound (more in some places) of carpet recycled. This fee helps cover haul-away service, plus the process of recycling itself.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you're thinking about ditching that 30-year-old orange shag carpet (and who isn't?), consider teaming up with a carpet recycling service. You can do one good deed for the environment and another for your eyes.</div>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-52882047441540680422011-05-02T14:56:00.002-05:002011-05-02T15:47:14.200-05:00Green Monday: conserving water.Hi, all. Welcome to May! After a fun weekend of music with friends, making and delivering a wedding cake, and starting a major lace project, it's time to get down to looking for more ways to "live green". Today, we'll focus on water conservation.<div><br /></div><div>Quick, how many ways can you think of to save water?</div><div><br /></div><div>Besides showering in pairs, smarty.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are plenty of ways to be water wise, so let's pick out ten simple ideas. Take sprinklers, for example. How many times have you been out for your daily constitutional and had to dodge a badly-aimed sprinkler? Sidewalks won't grow, but your water bill will with that kind of waste.</div><div><br /></div><div>Got a pool? Get a cover. Not only will you promote safety, you'll prevent evaporation.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here's a great one from <a href="http://www.wateruseitwisely.com/100-ways-to-conserve/index.php">www.wateruseitwisely.com</a>: "For cold drinks keep a pitcher of water in the refrigerator instead of running the tap. This way, every drop goes down you and not the drain."</div><div><br /></div><div>One thing that drives me nuts is seeing gas stations and such sending employees out to hose down the lot. A good old-fashioned broom instead of a hose (or gas-guzzling leaf blower) will save gallons of water and give you some exercise in the bargain.</div><div><br /></div><div>The season of cold drinks is upon us. Did you drop an ice cube? Toss it in a potted plant! It's kind of like picking up pennies. It doesn't seem like you're saving much, but it adds up.</div><div><br /></div><div>Set up rain barrels to collect roof runoff. Free water for your lawn and plants, woo-hoo!</div><div><br /></div><div>While showering, shut off the water while you lather up. It works just as well as buying a water-saving shower head, and saves you an afternoon of plumbing detail.</div><div><br /></div><div>Looking for a landscaping upgrade? Choose plants with low water requirements and group plants with similar water needs together. This can help prevent over-watering and reduce your overall use.</div><div><br /></div><div>Learn the locations of shutoff valves in your home. In case there's a problem, you can save water and prevent damage by getting to the source ASAP.</div><div><br /></div><div>This one's obvious, but gets overlooked because it's the least fun. Fix those leaks! Put some food coloring in your toilet tank to see if it leaks. Check faucets for drips. If you find one, fix it as soon as you can to save hundreds of gallons of water.</div><div><br /></div><div>There, that wasn't so bad. I'll bet most of you already knew this stuff, too. Share these ideas and any others you may have with your friends and neighbors. While you're at it, post your best water conservation tips here. I'm always up for some green game plans!</div>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-37533584178434183992011-04-29T22:03:00.002-05:002011-04-29T22:19:21.295-05:00Free Range Friday: Coffee and cardinals.Moving away from the coffeepot, she thought vaguely of sitting on the porch to take in the sunrise. One shoulder glanced off of the kitchen door frame, and hot coffee sloshed over the rim of the mug. A wince; a mumbled expletive.<div><br /></div><div>The door latch wasn't keen on cooperating at such an early hour, but it finally gave in and she was free. Gray-painted boards creaked softly under her feet, logging her steps to the Sun Seat. She settled in and watched the sky change.</div><div><br /></div><div>Blowing on her cup, anticipating the Zen-like moment of the first sip, she was caught off guard by the appearance of a visitor. Dressed in red and wearing a black mask, he eyed her from the porch rail.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Zeep?" inquired the cardinal. "Zeep?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Seeds? Is that what you're after?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Zeep!" The cardinal's reply was confident.</div><div><br /></div><div>With a slowness born from caution rather than fatigue now, she eased out of the chair and sidled toward the door. There was a sack of birdseed in the mudroom; maybe the cardinal would bring a friend or two and she could watch them enjoy their breakfast.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Wait here, Zeep. I'll be right back."</div>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-35566568581882530132011-04-26T13:20:00.003-05:002011-04-26T14:00:28.786-05:00Yay, flowers!<div>Once again, my crummy photography skills present a marginally acceptable picture for your enjoyment.</div><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjjblxhvcjtfwZ1PK3mBuKoulVwVhfeEOCp-Zfv-01d18KcUO2nVF6WDD7d1S2RUbpL8PetH8CS_l4GfIrgLNJDh17rjh8NIa55uU5aJcxDUGLMYajUcyCIEf-rt3WiJFY8V8UZ_Vd34s/s1600/100_1859.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjjblxhvcjtfwZ1PK3mBuKoulVwVhfeEOCp-Zfv-01d18KcUO2nVF6WDD7d1S2RUbpL8PetH8CS_l4GfIrgLNJDh17rjh8NIa55uU5aJcxDUGLMYajUcyCIEf-rt3WiJFY8V8UZ_Vd34s/s400/100_1859.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5599959273831141250" /></a><br /><div>This is my new geranium. I've never had one before, but the screaming purple color (Rocky Mountain Violet) grabbed me by the eyeballs and insisted that I take this one home.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's actually thriving.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since I'd like it to continue thriving, I did a little research. My little potted plant is one of over two hundred species of <i><a href="http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/horticulture/dg1118.html">Pelargonium</a></i>, with lots of hybrid cousins. I've also learned that the geranium has a crummy reputation, considering its popularity.</div><div><br /></div><div>I told my mom that I'd gotten one, and was knocked over with a shout of dismay. "Ew, yuck! Those things reek! Why would you want one?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Because it's pretty? And it actually doesn't smell like much of anything, really. True, many geraniums flowers have a very... <i>distinctive </i>scent, but there are plenty of varieties with scented leaves that smell like things from roses to peppermint.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, on to geranium care. Like about ten billion other plants, geraniums enjoy lots of sun and well-drained soil. Shocking. They don't mind a little fertilizer, but avoid too much of a good thing or you'll get leggy plants with few flowers. </div><div><br /></div><div>You'll want to walk a fine line with watering. Let the soil get kind of dry between waterings, but not so dry that the leaves droop. Too much water can lead to root rot, while too little leads to empty containers. When you do get dried leaves (or limp blooms) remove them from your plant to prevent killer fungus.</div><div><br /></div><div>Unlike your typical tropical houseplant, the geranium is keen on cooler temperatures. If it's got the window seat, make sure it doesn't share space with a radiator.</div><div><br /></div><div>With a little care and a lot of light, you can propagate geraniums from seeds and cuttings. With a little <i>more </i>care, you can enjoy this attractive plant both in and out of your home.</div>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-79493142355781006062011-04-18T16:40:00.002-05:002011-04-18T17:04:30.725-05:00Green Monday: give me coffee!We live in a small town with a lot of volunteer opportunities. Our local library <i>loves </i>finding good uses for volunteers, so it's one of my favorite places. I'm "the yarn lady", hosting knitting lessons throughout the summer. The library folks seem to like me, too. They submitted my name for the annual county volunteer luncheon, which was an eye-opening event. <div><br /></div><div>The room was jam-packed with like-minded folks from all walks of life, all having a great time. If you're ever feeling lonely, check out your local volunteer organizations. You'll make instant friends and do a good deed or twelve.</div><div><br /></div><div>Aside from the great food (barbecue sandwiches) and terrific company, the volunteer luncheon gave me another opportunity to "go green". I won a door prize!</div><div><br /></div><div>Clutching my little red ticket, I trotted up to the prize table to take my choice. Among the planners, trivets and always-tempting chocolates, there was a coffee cup. You know those paper cups with plastic lids that get used once and then dumped? Picture one made of tough plastic, with a rubber grip. That's what I saw on the prize table, and that's what is now sitting on MY table.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'll never have to use a paper coffee cup again, thanks to a kind donor. Some coffeehouses offer discounts to patrons who bring their own cups, and you can just imagine how much can be saved in the way of <a href="http://www.treehugger.com/files/2005/08/eco-tip_travelr.php">resources</a> if more people did the "reduce, reuse, recycle" routine.</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, there is one problem. How do I convince Junior that this is <i>my </i>sippy? </div>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-84281153999182864712011-04-11T21:25:00.002-05:002011-04-11T21:49:33.952-05:00Green Monday: free aspirin.Hi, there! Today's post is brought to you on a virus-free notebook, courtesy of my last paycheck. Would you believe a Trojan that FOUR antivirus programs couldn't scrub? Not wanting to lose the rest of my mind, I disabled the LAN on the laptop and relegated it to document and photo storage. <div><br /></div><div>It also plays games, woo-hoo!</div><div><br /></div><div>This new little beastie will do all of my online stuff. No storage. If something gets through the Mighty Firewall of Doom, I can just wipe the whole thing and reinstall the works. Go, me!</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyhow, in honor of all those who wish to be rid of annoying viruses of all kinds, I bring you free medicine. <i>Note: I am not a doctor, and I don't play one on TV. This is just something that I do myself that could be helpful to you. Talk to your doctor, yadda, yadda, yadda. Thus endeth the C.Y.A. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Sometimes I wonder if the FDA and the USDA might be in cahoots with the medical mavens that promote all of those "new and improved" drugs on the market today. Suppose there's an elaborate plot to put bad-for-you stuff in the food supply (like soy and high fructose crap syrup) so that more and more people have to be treated for things like infertility and prostate cancer and all manner of other things, bringing huge profits to the companies involved?</div><div><br /></div><div>Strictly a theory, mind you. </div><div><br /></div><div>Having recently torn my rotator cuff, I am on a first-name basis with interesting pain. Reaching for my wallet has been an adventure for a few weeks. Jumping jacks are right out. For the most part, it hasn't been too awful, but there have been a few times that left me sniveling on the floor, clutching my shoulder.</div><div><br /></div><div>Do I take a handy-dandy pill, available without a prescription and in numerous candy colors? No. I hate taking pills, largely due to the fact that they get stuck against my golf ball-sized tonsils and make me sound like Donald Duck on a bad trip.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, I head for my pantry. On the top shelf is a bag of what look like sticks. They are thin strips of dried willow bark, which I tear up and steep in boiling water. Willow bark contains salicylic acid, Mother Nature's version of...</div><div><br /></div><div>Aspirin.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yup, aspirin tea. Dose it with honey, and it doesn't taste like boiled bitter bark. It tastes like <i>sweet </i>boiled bitter bark!</div><div><br /></div><div>Hey, cheap and effective, and no plastic bottle to go in the landfill. I won't gripe a little thing like taste. Except for that shirt the dude in the park was wearing when I gathered the bark. Sheeeesh... </div>The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-33772580188321805892011-04-04T10:25:00.007-05:002011-04-04T12:39:31.010-05:00Green Monday: a drinking game?Hi, folks. We're kind of taking stock today after a whopper of a storm blew through. Hail, wind gusts up to eighty miles per hour, and Mother Nature's version of the Anvil Chorus. Someone who shall remain nameless but is known as My Husband put my impatiens outside AFTER I had brought them in from the wind. I now have a lovely basket of green stalks. Chagrin. <br /><br />With gardening season upon us, it's time to think about other ways that plants can lose leaves. Two major culprits around here are deer and slugs. We'll leave the deer alone today and focus on the slugs. <br /><br />Now, I'm totally fine with the "all life is sacred" creed. I still brush my teeth, but I brake for snakes in the road. In spite of this, I can <em>not </em>wrap my head around why we have things like <a href="http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/2000/2010.html">slugs</a>. Not just any slugs, either. These are big dudes, about five inches long, and every now and then we'll find one in the house. <br /><br />Bleagh. <br /><br />My dear spouse (the impatien stripper) once displayed his incredible balletic prowess when he marched into the front room and stepped on an intruder slug. <br /><br />Barefoot. *snicker* <br /><br />So anyway, slugs are here and they want to eat our plants. To avoid this, you can try one of these three easy methods. First, save the shells from your morning eggs. Let 'em dry and crunch 'em up. Sprinkle the crunched-up shell bits to make a thick border around any places you'd like to keep slug-free. Imagine walking across broken glass, and you'll see just why this works. <br /><br />If you've just come into some money, you can buy copper strips to encircle your plant beds. Imagine sucking on a penny all day. Yeah, the slugs don't like it, either. <br /><br />The third method involves a little-known fact: slugs are party animals. They like to drink. Miniature lampshades, teeny-weeny martinis; the works. You can take advantage of this fact with a judicious application of beer<em>. Note: if you're not keen on killing things, skip this method</em>. Get a pie pan, preferably disposable. You probably won't want it back. Sink it into your garden, right up to the rim, and fill it with beer. The slugs will come charging out of the greenery at the speed of... Okay, they'll gradually make their way to the beer and literally drown their sorrows. I'm not sure if they fall in first, or if they get drunk and pass out in their drinks, but the end result is the same: sloshed slugs on their way to gastropod Valahlla. <br /><br />Makes you think twice about asking for a slug of beer, eh? <br /><br />Do you get slugs in your garden? How do you deal with them?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-65302202366254342032011-03-30T14:10:00.002-05:002011-03-30T14:19:48.142-05:00Weird Wednesday: food on the fly.Like the legendary Rubber Biscuit, cranberries are sorted by bouncing. "If it don't bounce back, you go hungry!" Click <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14MZ8eiwcNE">here</a> if you'd like a blast from the rubbery past.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-35588039697562840112011-03-25T16:58:00.002-05:002011-03-25T17:18:17.171-05:00Free Range Friday: how do you say it?I finally got to make a trip to Kansas City's fabled River Market. In addition to the great company and an incredible Ethiopian meal, I enjoyed the sights and smells of fresh produce and dried herbs. I was especially excited to see Roma tomatoes priced at seven for a dollar.<br /><br />The interesting thing about fruits and vegetables is the fact that we can make them as healthy or as diet killing as we like. For the carnivore, a breakfast of corned beef hash, eggs over easy and sliced tomatoes is the perfect accompaniment to a cup of coffee. If you like salt on those tomato slices, the healthiest part of the breakfast will be your napkin.<br /><br />Look at some labels; you’ll find that most commercial tomato products contain things like tons of sodium and high fructose corn syrup. Speaking as one who eats tomatoes like apples (raw and in large quantities), there has to be a safer way to preserve that taste of summer succulence.<br /><br />In ‘<a href="http://www.amazon.com/You-Say-Tomato-Joanne-Weir/dp/0767901355">You Say Tomato’</a>, author Joanne Weir offers this recipe for tomato juice: “Wash, core and quarter 5 pounds of ripe red tomatoes. Place in a large nonreactive pot over medium heat. Add 1 small red onion, halved, and 1 celery rib with leaves. Cover and cook, stirring often, until tomatoes are soft, about 30 minutes. Cool. Discard onion and celery. Pass tomatoes through a food mill fitted with the fine sieve. Discard solids. Measure juice and return to cleaned pot. For each 4 cups of tomato juice, season with 1 tsp. sugar, up to 1 tsp. salt and pepper to taste. Stir to dissolve over medium heat. Cool, then chill. Taste for salt. Serve within three days.”<br /><br />Let us not forget ketchup, the king of condiments Yes, you can make it at home. Here’s a recipe from <u><span style="color:#810081;"><a href="http://pickyourown.org/">Pick Your Own</a></span></u>. You’ll need about twenty-five pounds of ripe tomatoes. Dunk them, a few at a time, in boiling water for forty-five seconds, then put them in ice water. This loosens the skins so that the tomatoes practically peel themselves.<br /><br />Are your hands clean? Cut open the tomatoes and scoop out the seeds and excess juice. Put the pieces into a large pot and start them simmering. Stir in a cup of chopped onion, a clove of minced garlic, ½ teaspoon of cayenne pepper, 1 teaspoon of salt (optional), 1 teaspoon of black pepper, and a cup of sugar.<br /><br />While the tomatoes are cooking, put 3 cups of 5% apple cider vinegar into a saucepan. Using cheesecloth, make a “teabag” containing 3 tablespoons of celery seed. Let this “tea” simmer for 30 minutes.<br /><br />Once the tomato mixture is mushy enough, run it through a food mill. Put the mixture back in the pot, add the vinegar “tea” and boil it down over medium-low heat, stirring frequently. Cook it until your ketchup is the desired consistency, then pour it into sterilized jars and process them in a boiling water bath. Let ‘em cool and share them with your friends. Depending on your suppliers, you can have homemade ketchup, minus chemical enhancements, for about $0.65 per eight-ounce jar.<br /><br />How about you? Are you a tomatophile? Is it to-may-to or to-mah-to?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-48456198528154064362011-03-22T23:17:00.003-05:002011-03-22T23:39:41.810-05:00Scrape and erase.No, it's not how I do the dishes. It's what I have to do to the fish tank. See, there's this green algae starting to grow on one wall of the tank. <br /><br />In most cases, green is good. In this case, it's a living wallpaper that will take over if I let it get out of hand. A little scrubbing, a little water change, and everything will be fine.<br /><br />Algae, a sort-of-but-not-really plant, is actually a necessary part of the world's oxygen supply that drives fish keepers crazy. It grows in fresh or salt water, thrives on light and fish waste, and comes in several festive colors.<br /><br />If you find algae in your tank, you can be at least a little bit pleased. Algae consume what fish leave behind. Without algae, that stuff would create a toxic tank environment. At the same time, algae can go bonkers and take you with it.<br /><br />To reduce the amount of algae in your tank, try some simple, natural techniques. First off, keep your tank out of direct sunlight. Light and fish poo equal algae, so cutting back to one out of two ain't bad.<br /><br />Check the water conditions in your tank. Are the pH and other levels where they should be? Lopsided levels can lead to excessive algae.<br /><br />If you do get a touch of the green (or red, or brown, or...), you can remove it with good ol' elbow grease and an algae scrubber. Skip the household cleansing pads, which are often loaded with harmful chemicals. Avoid cleaning more often than once a week. Too often will not only remove beneficial algae, it'll freak out your fish.<br /><br />Once your tank is clean, you can admire your happy, thriving fish and curl up with a good book. How about Breakthrough by <a href="http://www.stephentremp.blogspot.com/">Stephen Tremp</a>? It's his birthday, and buying a book is a the perfect present for an author.<br /><br />Do you keep fish? What's your number one tank chore?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-12568302961373403442011-03-18T12:57:00.003-05:002011-03-18T13:16:50.609-05:00Free Range Friday: looking ahead.Hello, and welcome to Friday!<br /><br />It's shaping up to be a good weekend here at Casa de Yard Bard. Coffee and cake with a fellow book lover this morning (sour cream cake with a filling of chocolate chips, cinnamon, and diced apricots, in case you were wondering), and experiments with bread baking this afternoon. Click <a href="http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/03/14/is-the-hidden-soy-in-your-foods-contributing-to-illness.aspx">here</a> to read the article that prompted me to get out the loaf pans. Thanks, Dani!<br /><br />Tomorrow, I head north to watch a performance of my sketch in a regional 4H forensics tournament. Then more coffee with another friend, and a interview for a potential job partnership.<br /><br />Sunday is girlie time, hanging out with knitters and touring yarn shops. With any luck, the blankie for <a href="http://www.projectlinus.org/">Project Linus</a> will be done and ready to hand in by then.<br /><br />By Sunday night, I'll be ready to recover from the weekend. I'll sit down with Junior and show him all of the pretty pictures in the seed catalogs. Maybe he'll help me decide what should go in the garden this year. Maybe <em>you </em>can help me decide. What is your garden "must have" when it comes to planting? What are you hoping to try this year? Who's your favorite seed supplier?<br /><br />Have a great weekend!The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-49253182124911280402011-03-16T14:54:00.002-05:002011-03-16T15:02:33.404-05:00Weird Wednesday: it's the law.Talk about making a good point! In Florida (according to numerous sources), it is illegal to engage in, er...<br /><br />"relations"...<br /><br />with porcupines.<br /><br />I'll be sure to keep that in mind.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-86252408610835112532011-03-09T13:45:00.002-06:002011-03-09T13:50:25.294-06:00Weird Wednesday: an idea.I think it would be neat if somebody could develop a new strain of ground cover that changes color as it grows.<br /><br />They could call it Mardi Grass.The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-75257927455913384012011-03-07T20:18:00.003-06:002011-03-07T20:47:12.818-06:00Green Monday: alternative heat.Scrooge was a jerk, but he had a good idea. You're cold? Put on a sweater! <br /><br />In our house, nobody has the nerve to say that they're cold. Let somebody even <em>look </em>like they're going to shiver, and I'll have 'em knitted into a cocoon in nothing flat. Wool socks? Yup. Fuzzy sweaters? Naturally. Somebody who shall remain nameless has a pair of crocheted boxer shorts that he claims are very nice, but are too embarrassing to wear.<br /><br />Who's gonna know?<br /><br />My latest ploy for keeping the gas bill down is quilting. Ages ago, I got a wild hair and cut up a few yards of fabric, then sewed the resulting ten million squares into a quilt top. It looked fabulous, and I knew it would make a spectacular quilt.<br /><br />I promptly got cold feet and put it away for about five years. I knew nothing of the ways of quilters!<br /><br />With a substantial amout of encouragement, I dragged out the quilt top and got it all put together. I'm at the "sew down the binding with five hundred billion tiny hand stitches until you go cross-eyed" stage, and I've made an important discovery.<br /><br />Quilts keep you warm.<br /><br />I mean, like, WARM. Even in the coldest room in the house, with a north wind howling at the walls, my knees were sweating under the rolled-up layers of fabric and batting. It gave me an idea. If I pry the baseboards away from the bathtub, I can cram a quilt or two in there and we'll never have frozen pipes again!<br /><br />Maybe.<br /><br />So between the knitted sweaters, crocheted afghans, and quilted... quilts... we shouldn't need a trip to the emergency room when we open our gas bill.<br /><br />How are <em>you </em>keeping warm?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-39935109065690753482011-03-04T23:13:00.002-06:002011-03-04T23:44:53.467-06:00Free Range Friday: plastic fantastic!Hey, sorry I'm so late with this post. I'm in mourning. My beloved stand mixer died today after more than fifteen years of faithful service. It gave its life so that our neighbors might have Key Lime cheesecake.<br /><br />Anyway, here I am with some neat ideas for things to do with all of those CostlyMart bags you've got stashed away in a kitchen drawer. Wanna put a "lid" on plastic waste? Try one of <a href="http://familycrafts.about.com/od/plasticbagcrafts/ss/Crocheted-Plastic-Bag-Hat-Pattern.htm">these</a> sharp-looking chapeaus!<br /><br />If you're just starting your recycle adventure, you can get your foot in the door with these <a href="http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=87737.0">crocheted sandals</a>.<br /><br />Of course, in keeping with the old joke about a city that tore down a parking lot in order to make room for a new parking lot, you can find scads of instructions for shopping bags made from shopping bags. Who knows, with a little creative research, you might come up with your own nifty idea.<br /><br />What do <em>you </em>wanna make today?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-81544338926411980352011-02-28T19:48:00.003-06:002011-02-28T20:12:53.634-06:00Green Monday: paper or plastic?In our house, we try to use neither whenever possible. Since I'm usually hauling around the Bottomless Knitting Bag of Doom, most small purchases can be tucked away with the yarn. Grocery shopping is another matter.<br /><br />I'm less than keen on crushing my cashmere with a gallon of milk.<br /><br />When the bag boy, er, Comestible Conveyance Coordinator asks, "Paper or plastic?", I usually end up getting plastic bags. I know, they're made of petroleum products and are therefore evil, but I make sure to bring them back to the recycle center.<br /><br />Hm? Oh, yeah. I've heard about those nifty reusable shopping bags. I've got half a dozen of them. They're right by the back door, were they'll be safe while I'm forgetting to take them along to the grocery store.<br /><br />That's the trouble with reusables <em>and </em>recyclables. Neither one works if you don't remember to put 'em to use. Click <a href="http://www.reusablebags.com/learn-more/myth-busting/why-paper-is-no-better-than-plastic">here</a> for one side of the plastic bag debate, and be sure to do some informed research of your own to make the best decision. Come back later this week, and I'll have some fun ideas on what to do with the plastic grocery bags that are sitting around in your "stuff" drawer.<br /><br />What do you use? Paper, plastic, or cloth?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4556497583485018974.post-84097472490944089542011-02-22T12:08:00.003-06:002011-02-22T12:57:54.211-06:00Blooms and Beasts: the crocus.Now that the snow has melted Mother Nature is looking pretty sharp. Green grass in February? Robins? I hope we’re not being set up for a nasty surprise.<br /><br />I won’t get my hopes up until I see the first crocus. Don’t you love those? After the blah shades of winter, the bright colors of the crocus are a welcome sight. There are a whole bunch of colors available, but my favorite (for now) is the Crocus sieberi Tricolor. Bright blue, with a white band and yellow throat. What’s not to like?<br /><br />The crocus isn’t just for looks, either. The stigmas of Crocus sativus produce the popular and pricey spice we call saffron. Not exactly a cost-effective crop, though. You need about 4,000 blooms to come up with one ounce of saffron. Hm, I think I’ll stick to garlic powder.<br /><br />Instead of a bulb, the crocus grows from a corm, a similar plant structure with scaly, papery skin. Check out your neighborhood in the coming weeks. Look for low-growing, cup-shaped flowers with spiky leaves. You might find a clump or two, or see a whole chunk of lawn covered with them. If you like the look of crocus, you can plan for a fall planting. Just about all crocus are fall planted, spring blooming, except for the saffron crocus. It’s backwards.<br /><br />Oh, wow. Big surprise. The crocus likes well-drained soil in full sun to light shade. Who doesn’t? Once you’ve chosen your preferred varieties, accounting for different maturation rates for extended blooming time, get the corms into the ground six to eight weeks before the first frost. Loosen and compost the soil to a depth of about twelve inches, and plant the corms four inches deep, pointy-end up. You can also plant them directly into the lawn. Remember to space them about three inches apart, and in groups of twelve for best effect. Water thoroughly after planting, and during dry spells. A layer of mulch is especially helpful in very cold areas.<br /><br />What's your favorite harbinger of spring?The Yard Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03613458143059218286noreply@blogger.com1